When The Rat's Away
by tarin2014tfan
Summary: Splinter returns from a short vacation to discover what goes through his sons' minds when unsupervised.


**When The Rat's Away**

 **Disclaimer-** I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.  
 **Rating -** Mature Audiences ONLY

 **Story Warnings-** Emotional distress due to embarrassment, Young males doing things that seemed like a good idea at the time, Misuse of sexual protection items, Swearing (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)  
 **Pairings -** None with implied OT4.  
 **Universe-** 2003 and 2007 after the series and movie endings.  
 **Ages-** Leo, Raph, Donnie, and Mikey are all of the equivalent age of 21. (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)

 **Summary-** Splinter returns from a short vacation to discover what goes through his sons' minds when unsupervised.

 **Chapter credits -** Movie: You've Got Mail, Television program: Mythbusters 

**When The Rat's Away**

Splinter always enjoyed seeing his old friend the Daimyo, Master of the Battle Nexus, and made a point of visiting the alternate realm where his friend lived at least once a year. It was a vacation of sorts to get away from the stresses of being the mutated rat father to four mutant ninja turtle sons. Although Splinter always looked forward to catching up with his long time friend, the old rat enjoyed retuning home to his family even more, regardless of how trying his sons could sometimes be.

When Splinter stepped through the interdimensional portal, he found it odd his sons were not waiting to greet him. They always had before. Leonardo would eagerly inquire about his friend Usagi. Raphael would ask about the competition for the upcoming Battle Nexus Championship. Donatello would be curious about any new healing techniques developed by the Daimyo's healers, and Michelangelo would be rooting through his father's bag, looking for presents.

Splinter smiled. His sons may be talking mutated turtles, and accomplished ninja, but they were also young males. They had most likely become involved in their own pursuits, and lost track of the time. It was to be expected, all children grew up, and to some degree, apart from their parents. Splinter had accepted this inevitable fact of parenthood years ago when his sons began going to the surface, and took it in stride. He just hoped they were not embroiled in another contest of 'burping for volume', or Heaven forbid, 'peeing for distance'.

The rat shuddered at the memory.

Splinter walked into the main living area of the lair, the quiet tap of his walking stick on the cement floor was the only sound to be heard. Seeing the darkened TV array, his eyebrows came together in a slight frown. At least one, if not all, of the televisions were always on this time of day. Michelangelo would usually be playing video games, unless being punished. Then if by some slim chance the youngest turtle chose not to indulge in his favorite pastime, thereby leaving the remote up for grabs, another of Splinter's sons could be found watching either a movie, or one of their many, favorite programs.

Not only was the lair abnormally quiet, it was unusually dark as well. As ninja, the old rat had taught his sons to embrace darkness as a trusted ally, a force they could depend on to save their life in times of need. As much as his sons kept to the shadows outside their home, inside the turtles preferred to have light, as if trying to keep the darker side of their existence at bay within the safety of their own home. The only illumination currently inside the lair was coming from the kitchen, the one light the family never turned off for any reason.

Splinter was beginning to wonder if his sons were even home. It was far too early in the day for them to be topside, or sleeping. They could possibly be visiting their friends, but it made more sense for April and Casey to be at the lair as part of Splinter's welcoming home. He briefly considered the notion his sons could be on the way back with their friends at that moment, but discarded the thought as quickly as it came. Donatello and Leonardo were both amazingly punctual, and when combined with April, the trio became an irresistible force not even Michelangelo and Casey Jones could move.

Splinter was beginning to fear the worst, and sincerely hoped nothing tragic had befallen the turtles in his absence.

Making an educated guess, Splinter silently crept his way towards the kitchen, believing that would be where he would find his sons if they were in fact in the lair. Erring on the side of caution, the ninja master instinctively kept to the shadows. He stopped just outside the open doorway, listening intently. His ears twitched, hearing no sounds at all coming from inside the room. The father within him feared his sons were not there.

Glancing around the corner, the old rat sighed in relief. His sons were sitting around the table, an open pizza box between them, pizza untouched. Splinter started to call out a greeting, but stopped himself. Each of his sons was sporting evidence of an injury, some appearing to be serious.

Now, he was really concerned.

The ninja master stepped into the light. "My sons, what has happened to you in my absence?"

"Oh, hey, Sensei," Mikey tried to smile, giving it up in favor of the ice pack he held to the darkening bruise on his lower jaw.

"Master," Leo greeted quietly, squinting around the bandage covering one eye.

Saying nothing, Raph lifted a hand from his head, and waved. Splinter frowned, seeing his emerald son supporting his weight on his elbows propped up on the table. He had TRIED to teach them to have better manners than that. Leaning slightly to one side, Splinter soon realized why his brawler son was sitting so strangely. Raphael's tail was swathed in bandages as he sat on the fluffiest pillow the family owned.

Donatello seemed to be the least injured of the four, having only a small bandage stuck to his shoulder.

"Were you in a fight?"

Leo suddenly found himself in the hot seat with his brothers, and father all staring at him, waiting for an answer. The blue banded ninja swallowed hard. It was his responsibility. He was the leader after all. But right at that moment, he really wished he wasn't.

"No, Sensei. We avoided all confrontation while you were away," the oldest was reluctant to meet his father's eyes. "Just as you instructed."

"Yeah, Fearless dere wouldn't THINK of lettin' us go 'round breakin' da rules, Sensei. Ya know dat," Raph quickly came to his leader's defense, earning the emerald turtle a grateful look from said brother.

"Then what has happened to leave you all injured, my son?"

"It's kinda a long story," Raph rubbed the back of his head, glancing up at Leo from under his eyeridges.

Splinter pulled out a chair. "I have time," he said, making himself comfortable. "Please begin."

None of the four took their father's words as the request they appeared to be, but rather as the command, however politely spoken, they truly were. When Splinter had left for his vacation, his sons had been well and uninjured. Finding them wrapped in bandages upon his return demanded an explanation, and they all knew their father would settle for nothing less than the entire sordid tale in all it's glory.

The brothers silently looked at one another, unsure where to start, or even how to begin. To their father, it seemed as if his sons were more embarrassed to speak rather than fearful. Leo braved a glance at his father, sighing deeply as Splinter raised an eyebrow.

"Well," Leo began.

"Donnie started it!" Mikey blurted out.

"How did I start it!?" Donnie shouted indignantly. "It was Leo's idea!"

"I just suggested we try it! Raph was the one who said..."

"Don' go blamin' me!"

"Enough!" Splinter rapped his walking stick sharply against the floor. "Perhaps it would be helpful for you to start at the beginning."

"Well," Leo reached up to rub his eye, earning him a hard hand slap from the family medic. "It all started when I finished my workout, and noticed Donnie was watching Mythbusters."

Leo walked out of the dojo, wiping the sweat from his face. The leaf green ninja headed for the kitchen, pulling his arms across his plastron, stretching his shoulder muscles. He always felt more limber after a good workout. Grinning, Leo grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator. Maybe a game of ninja tag would be in order later tonight, he was feeling more than up to a good run.

Finishing his water, Leo glanced at the clock. He was hoping to grab a shower, and a meditation session before Splinter came home. Perfect, he thought refilling his bottle, he had more than enough time for both.

Hearing the sounds of cheering, and muted popping noises coming from the television, the sword master wandered out into the main room. Standing behind his brother sitting on the couch, Leo finished off his second bottle of water, watching the program.

"Do you really think the average human is capable of doing that?" he asked.

Donnie tipped his head to the side, contemplating the images on the screen. "The average human, no, but if someone with a greater than average lung capacity, say a trained athlete, was to try, possibly."

"Someone like him?" Leo motioned to the bodybuilder who had stepped up onstage.

"Again, possibly, but him specifically, no."

Leo jumped over the back of the sofa, landing on the opposite end from his brother. "How come?"

"It's rigged," Donnie said with assured confidence. "Everyone else got theirs from the ones laid out on the table. He got his from inside the box. Furthermore, everyone else showed theirs to the cameras, turning them for a full view of all sides. He didn't."

Leo had to admit the well muscled man seemed to be faring better than any of the previous competitors the blue ninja had seen.

"Whatcha bitchin' 'bout dis time, brainiac?"

Donnie looked over, scowling at Raph as the emerald turtle and Mikey walked into the room. "Leo and I were discussing the likelihood of a muscle bound Neanderthal exploding a hot water bottle by expanding it to the point of rupture using only his lung capacity. Care to join in on the conversation, Raph? It would be interesting to have the viewpoint of someone who might actually qualify for such a competition."

"You callin' me a Neanderthal?" Raph growled.

"No, dude. He's saying you're full of hot air," Mikey snickered.

"Correct on both counts," Donnie reached for the remote, turning off the television array now that the segment on hot water bottles was over.

Raph narrowed his eyes, taking a menacing step towards the couch.

"I bet we could do it."

Three pair of eyes turned to look at Leo. "What?" he asked, seeing the incredulous looks on his brothers' faces.

"You want us to blow up hot water bottles to see if we can make them explode?"

"Why not?" Leo gave his genius brother a grin. "You said someone with larger lung capacity could do it. We're ninja and turtles, I bet we could."

"I said MIGHT, Leo," Donnie clarified.

While Leo and Donnie bickered, their more brightly banded brothers had a silent conversation of their own. Mikey grinned at Raph, eyes shining with excitement. Raph in turn, rubbed his chin, smirking with a slightly raised eyeridge.

"I say we give it a try," the emerald turtle grinned, looking at Leo.

"But we only have one hot water bottle, bro. Splinter'd kill us if we messed it up."

Mikey was well acquainted with how displeased their father could become when something Splinter used regularly was ruined by carelessness or half baked ideas on the part of his sons. The orange banded ninja still remembered the time he had used his father's favorite teapot strainer to remove the lumps from the gravy for Christmas dinner. To say the rat had been displeased was a gross understatement, Splinter had been pissed.

"Call Casey and see if he can buy some for us," Donnie suggested, quickly warming up to his brothers' idea. "We only need four."

Raph pulled out his shell cell. "We're gonna need mor'n four, Don. Case is gonna wanna get in on dis," he quickly punched in his friend's number. "You know he is."

"Have him get seven," Leo grinned. "That way we can go two heats, and Master Splinter gets a new hot water bottle for himself."

Raph, Mikey, and Donnie couldn't help grinning at their brother. Leo always knew how to placate Splinter when the four of them attempted something the rat would most likely disapprove of, but wouldn't outright deny. On more occasions than they cared to count, their leader had saved their collective tails from the wrath of their father and Sensei.

"Raph called Casey, and he agreed to buy them for us. We spent a half an hour cleaning the lair, waiting for him to show."

Leo paused his story to glance at his father. The blue banded turtle hoped pointing out they hadn't been completely oblivious to their father's return would go in their favor. Splinter's expression remained neutral and unreadable. Unable to determine what his father could possibly be thinking, the leaf green turtle readied himself to continue his story. Leo bit back what he was going to say when Splinter lifted a furry hand from his walking stick.

"My son, am I to understand these injuries were caused by the four of you trying to explode hot water bottles by blowing them up like balloons?" Splinter was starting to reconsider his opinion on the 'peeing for distance' competition.

"NO!" Leo was quick to reassure his father. "We didn't do that!"

"Casey couldn't find seven of the same kind."

Leo narrowed his eyes at his youngest brother, wondering how Mikey would look with a matching bruise on the OTHER side of his face.

"So I can assume Mr. Jones did not come to the lair?"

"Oh, he came over," Donnie nervously picked at the corner of the pizza box.

Having raised his four sons from the moment of their mutation, Splinter knew when they were being evasive. Although they were far too honorable to out and out lie to him, the rat knew all four were experts at 'tweaking' the truth. Right now, they were tweaking at a level that would put Joe Fox to shame.

As intelligent and astute as his sons were, Splinter knew they had forgotten one very important fact. Their father may be a rat, but he had years of experience ferreting the truth out of them, and unlike his sons, Splinter wasn't above being downright sneaky about it.

Raph suddenly found himself on the receiving end of one of his father's intense I-know-you-did-something looks. The emerald turtle hated those looks, they always made him feel like he was six years-old again with chocolate smeared all over his face.

"Exactly what did Mr. Jones bring over for you to explode in our home?"

Raph looked at Leo, hoping the leader would bail him out. Leo suddenly found it necessary to adjust his elbow pad, leaving his emerald brother to fend for himself. Raph took a deep breath, trying to buy enough time to figure out what to tell his father.

"Umm," Raph rubbed the back of his head. "We kinda... well..." Raph nearly jumped out of his shell when Splinter cleared his throat. "CaseybroughtoverFrenchTicklersinsteadofhotwaterbottlesforustoblowup!" he rushed out.

Splinter blinked. "You blew up WHAT?"

"French Ticklers, Master," Leo suddenly found the need to look anywhere other than at his father. "They... They're a, umm..."

"Dey're RUBBERS!" Raph huffed.

"Condoms." Donnie clarified. "Humans use them to prevent the transmission of sexual..."

"Thank you, Donatello. I am aware of what they are used for." Splinter sounded as shocked as he looked. "You inflated these... condoms, and blew them up?"

"We weren't going to for the first round. Casey did get us five hot water bottles," Mikey opened a drawer, pulling out a light blue hot water bottle still in the packaging. "But if we did, you wouldn't have had a new hot water bottle for yourself," Mikey gave his father the biggest, most dazzling, innocent looking smile of the sea green turtle's life. "So we decided to use the French Ticklers for both heats instead."

"Thank you, Michelangelo," Splinter closed his eyes, massaging his forehead, nothing he had witnessed in real life, or on TV had in any way prepared the old rat for handling situations such as this. "There is undoubtedly more to this story than I have currently been told. Leonardo, please continue."

"Hai, Sensei," the oldest cleared his throat. "Like we said, Casey only bought five hot water bottles, but that, and the condoms weren't all he brought over."

"Sorry it took so long, guys," Casey called out entering the lair. "I couldn't find seven, but I got five, just in case, and something else I KNOW'LL make a good substitute. OH! And Raph, I got you some more beer, the store had your favorite in stock."

"Alright!" the emerald turtle snatched up the six-pack his friend placed on the table, setting it in the refrigerator to chill.

"What's this?" Mikey held up a small, nondescript box, reading the packaging. "Dude! What do we need these for?! We can't get each other pregnant! We're all guys!"

Laughing, Casey took the box, opening it up. "THIS is the substitute I was talking about," he pulled out one of the small foil wrapped envelopes. "It takes a lot of air to blow one of these babies up. Believe me, I know! Even more if you double em!""

"Condoms!? You mean to tell us you blew up CONDOMS?!" Donnie's eyes widened in disbelief. "Why would you DO that?!"

"Don't look at me like that, Don!" Casey huffed. "They weren't USED! Anyway," he shrugged. "It was just me and a bunch of guys I hung out with. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Let's just stick to the hot water bottles," Leo started to remove the packaging from one. "Using condoms? That just sounds... wrong to me."

"Like the majority of the shit you guys've gone through don't," Casey snickered.

"Fighting demons is a lot less freaky, in my opinion, dan wrappin' my mouth 'round da business end of a rubber."

"It looks like it wouldn't take much to blow one of these up anyway," Mikey turned his hand around examining the bright green latex covering his finger. "Doesn't look like much of a challenge to me."

"Mikey! Stop that!?" Donnie snatched the condom from his brother, throwing it in the trash.

"What's the big deal, bro? They're not even lubed. It'd be just be like blowing up a balloon," Mikey once again looked at the box. "I mean what else are they good for? I sure wouldn't want to slide my cock somewhere that wasn't lubed."

"You never do," Leo teased, setting the still packaged hot water bottle he was holding back on the table.

"Leo, I t'ink we should try it."

Looking up, the oldest brother saw Raph tugging on the condom Donnie had thrown away. "You can't be serious."

"Why not? Dere pretty strong, an' b'sides dere too small fer anyt'ing else. Unless Casey wants ta use 'em," Raph smirked at his friend.

"I don't need 'em," Casey waved a hand dismissively. "April doesn't like 'em, and I got rope to tie stuff down in the van with now."

Donnie could do nothing but stare at their raven haired friend, wondering what he had let his brothers talk him into this time.

"Now that that's settled," Mikey grinned tossing the hot water bottles back in the bag. "How do we go about this, Casey? You're the expert here."

Hearing the words 'Casey' and 'expert' used in the same sentence worried Donnie more than an army of demon Shredders ever could.

Casey pushed the remains of his shopping trip aside, and dumped the contents of the condom box on the table. "Doing one of these things won't be much of a challenge, but if we put two together," the brothers watched as their raven haired friend demonstrated. "It makes it twice as hard to blow up."

"That does make sense when you think about it," Donnie sat watching Casey ready two of the condoms for his demonstration, chin propped on his hand. "The surface tensions would become..."

"Yeah, yeah, we got it egg head. Put two tagether, harder to blow," Raph opened the refrigerator, pulling out a beer. "Makes a better challenge. Have a beer."

"I don't drink," the olive turtle scowled, pushing the proffered alcohol away.

"More for me," Raph shrugged, popping the top and taking a swig.

"This isn't going to work," Mikey whined. "There's only ten in the box. We don't have enough for both heats. I mean do these people think guys don't get it on all that much? I'd be insulted!"

"It's good, Mikey," Casey started digging around in the shopping bags that had somehow found their way to the floor. "I got more," he triumphantly held aloft two more boxes.

"Cool!" the orange ninja exclaimed, dumping the contents of both boxes on the table. "We can use our own colors!"

The four brothers quickly readied their 'balloons' for the competition. They moved into the main living area, giving each other plenty of space to work without the risk of interference.

Casey held up a stop watch. "First one to blow wins!"

"Same rules as always," Mikey smirked.

"Ready! Set! GO!"

The race was on!

All four brothers concentrated on blowing up their own 'balloon' ignoring the others around them. Casey watched with wide-eyed excitement, biting back the overwhelming urge to cheer one brother or another on. The raven-haired human was somewhat surprised to see Donnie in the lead after only a few seconds, with Leo, not so surprisingly, close behind.

Part of Donnie's mind was focused on his competition and his brothers' form, the other part was focused on inflating the condoms. Mikey and Raph were both using quick short puffs to inflate their 'balloons' while Leo was taking longer breaths much like Donatello was himself. The genius turtle felt a bit of satisfaction knowing he would be the first to, as Casey put it, blow. And it should happen in four... three... two...

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

Donnie's 'balloon' exploded first, followed by Leo's, with Mikey's and Raph's going of within mere nanoseconds of each other. Bits and pieces of latex flew into the air, many getting caught up in the overhead ceiling fan, and flying around the room. One particularly large piece drifted into the kitchen, draping itself on the upper corner of the cabinet.

"TIME!" Casey yelled. "Thirty-six seconds! Donnie wins!"

When his 'balloon' exploded, Leo looked up, checking on Raph's and Mikey's progress. The blue ninja turned his head just enough to catch the solid tip that came flying off of Donnie's 'balloon' square in the eye. Shocked and in pain, Leo dropped to his knees, grasping at his face.

"OH! GOD! LEO'S BEEN BLINDED!" Mikey shrieked.

"Shit! Leo, man! I swear I didn't know it would do that!" Casey was starting to panic.

"He isn't blind!" Donnie snapped, pulling Leo's hands away from his face. "But I do need to check to see if there's any damage."

Once again Splinter held up a hand, stopping Leo's tale. "Is there any permanent damage to Leonardo's eyesight?" he asked, directing his question to the family medic.

"No, nothing permanent. He just has a few slight scratches to his cornea. It should heal within a couple of days as long as he doesn't use that eye and strain it."

Splinter allowed himself a relieved sigh before motioning for his son to continue.

"I guess dis is where I pick it up," Raph shifted slightly in his seat, whether from the discomfort of his bandaged tail, or from having to continue with the tale of their escapades, the emerald turtle didn't readily say. "While Donnie was checkin' out Leo, me, Casey, an' Mikey went back inta da kitchen."

"That didn't last long," Mikey grumbled, dropping his chin to the table on top of his crossed arms.

"It's all relative, Mike," Casey said, taking a beer for himself from the refrigerator. "Five seconds with your hand on a hot pan feels like five hours, and five hours with your hand on a hot woman, or in your guys' case a hot turtle, feels like five seconds," Casey shrugged, looking at the sea green turtle over the top of his beer. "Just like nights of pleasure are short, so's everything else in this world that's fun."

Raph blinked at his friend, beer halfway to his mouth. "Casey, dat doesn't even make any damn sense at all."

"Fuck off, Raph!" Casey shot back good naturedly. "I'm trying to be philosophical here."

"Give it up. Stick ta what ya do best, bashing heads, and" Raph took another pull on his beer. "Leave da deep shit ta Master Splinter."

"Speaking of," Mikey lifted his head to look around the room. "He's going to be home soon. We need to clean this mess up, or we're gonna be doing flips til we're old and wrinkled. Since Don's checking out Leo, that leaves us."

Raph groaned, thumping his beer back down on the counter. He couldn't deny it, Mikey was right. If their father came home to this, he'd have all four of them doing extra training and chores for weeks.

"We better get on wid it den," Raph headed for the main room, grabbing Casey by the shirt, dragging the human with him along the way.

"Hey, man! I don't live here!" Casey protested.

"Yer da one who bought da damn rubbers."

With the three of them working together, the main room was quickly cleared of the scattered bits and pieces of French Tickler.

"Guys, it's been fun, but I gotta go. April's got some big surprise planned, and warned me not to be late when I told her I was coming over," Casey sighed, picking up the bag containing the unused hot water bottles. "I'll return these unless you want to keep them."

"Just leave the one Leo was picking on. It might keep Sensei from actually killing us a little longer."

The two brothers waved goodbye to their friend as Casey left the lair. Both returned to the kitchen, Raph to finish his beer, and Mikey to scrounge for something to eat.

"Hey, Raph. You think I should fix something special for Master Splinter? Like maybe a welcome home dinner kinda thing?"

"Dunno," Raph shrugged. "Just order in sump'in. He always wants junk food when he gets back from da Nexus."

"Sounds good," Mikey set out the necessary materials for a Michelangelo Super Special Deluxe Sandwich, silently asking Raph if he wanted one, when a single piece of bright blue latex drifted down from the ceiling.

"Da hell?" Raph muttered, watching it land on top of Mikey's slice of bologna.

Both brothers looked up, seeing the larger piece of latex draped over the edge of the cabinet at the same time.

"Oh, man," Mikey groaned.

"Hold my beer. I've got this," Raph said, shoving his drink at his younger brother.

While Raph was maneuvering things around to reach the elusive piece of latex, Mikey pulled the toaster from under the counter to toast the bread for his sandwich. He plugged it into the same outlet they always used, the one Donnie had rigged with duel breakers for those times Leo thought he could make toast, making sure to keep the battered appliance well out of Raph's way.

Raph briefly considered jumping onto the table, stepping over to the counter, and simple plucking the piece of rubber from the cabinet. Quick, easy, simple. He quickly pushed that idea aside for two reasons; one, Mikey had food on the table, and the emerald turtle was pretty sure his younger brother would consider it rather gross to have Raph's bare feet on the table next to Mikey's sandwich, and two, why tempt Fate? She obviously had her eye on them and wasn't about to let such an opportunity for disaster pass her by.

Instead, the brawler opted to pull the sturdiest chair in the kitchen over next to the counter, and just climb up. It wasn't very ninja like, but it shouldn't tempt Fate too terribly much. How wrong he was.

Raph didn't see the wet spot on the countertop left behind by his beer when the four turtles had been in the main room blowing up the condoms. He picked up his right foot, setting it firmly on the counter. He then transferred all his weight to that foot, easily lifting himself off the chair. The red ninja allowed himself a brief moment of personal pride at his own strength.

Raph had to lift up on his toes to reach the piece of latex being about two inches too short. He flipped the rubber towards his younger brother standing next to the table, who immediately tossed it in the trash. Task completed, the emerald turtle only needed to step off the counter, and smirk in the face of Fate for having thwarted her yet again. Feeling confident, and a little bit cocky, Raph spun around on his toes, putting his carapace to the cabinet. Having judged his speed just a little too fast, Raph brought his left foot down, to steady himself for the jump to the floor, right into the wet spot on he counter.

Raph realized his mistake the second he felt the wetness under his heel, but it was too late. The emerald turtle had already shifted his weight to his left foot. The shift in weight, combined with the wetness, shot Raph's foot right out from under him. For a brief moment, the red ninja hung in the air before his carapace slammed into the cabinet, sliding to one side, and sending the emerald turtle crashing onto the counter. Normally that wouldn't have resulted in much more than a few bruises, dented pride, and several days of humiliation from the family prankster.

Today, Fate was smiling down upon the Hamato brothers, and not in a good way. Raph's rear end landed smack dab in the center of the toaster, with his tail slipping down inside the heated innards right beside Mikey's toast. Normally, Raph would have flipped to the side, saving his sensitive tail from anything more than a slight heating. Again, Fate had to put her two cents worth in with interest.

The weight of Raph's well muscled body he was so proud of slammed into the toaster, smashing it flat, trapping his tail. The cord was yanked from the wall, eliminating the burning heat, when Raph rolled onto the floor, screaming for all he was worth in excruciating pain.

Splinter's hand shot out. "Wait...it got stuck where?!"

"In da toaster," Raph mumbled, glaring down at the tabletop.

Under normal circumstances, that would have sounded funny. "How injured is your brother's tail, Donatello?"

Donnie cleared his throat, looking as if he wanted to crawl into the nearest drainpipe and hide. "He has some superficial burns, nothing more serious than a bad sunburn, along the entire length. I used some Aloe Vera ointment to numb the pain, and speed healing."

Splinter got the distinct impression there was more to the tail story than he was being told. "Go on."

"Well..." Donnie hesitated, shooting Raph a questioning look.

"Go on, Donnie. Tell him."

The family medic straightened up in his seat. "When Raph fell on the toaster and crushed it, some of the smaller wires pierced the skin. Raph has several small, not serious but painful, puncture wounds along his tail."

"I feel like I got inta a fight wid a damn porcupine, an' lost."

Splinter could empathize with his emerald son, having once caught his tail in a manhole cover when fleeing from a group of humans. It had taken several days for the pain to subside enough for the rat to be able to move his tail at all, and several weeks more for the injury to heal completely. He reached out, laying an understanding hand on his son's arm.

"I do believe, regardless of how these injuries were incurred, training should be postponed until you are each healed."

Splinter looked from Raph to Leo then to his two younger sons. Two down, two to go.

"Please continue."

"I got this," Mikey said to his family in general. "When Raph went down, I knew he was going to be hurt somehow, but when I saw his tail, I knew it was serious. So, I ran to get Donnie."

Mikey ran for the lab, knowing it would take all three of them to help Raph, considering the most sensitive part of the brawler's body had been injured. The orange ninja was so focused on getting there as quickly as he could, Mikey almost ran into his brothers heading for the kitchen.

"What happened?" Leo demanded, blinking around the bandage now covering his eye.

Mikey grabbed Donnie's arm, pulling the olive turtle along with him as he explained. "We cleaned up that stuff, so Master Splinter wouldn't know about us blowing, you know... Anyway, there was one piece stuck up on the kitchen cabinet, and Raph went after it. While he was doing that, I wanted to make a sandwich, and got out the toaster."

Donatello stopped suddenly, nearly pulling Mikey off his feet. "He didn't get electrocuted, did he!?"

"NO! He didn't get electrocuted!" Mikey frowned at the unintended insult to his intelligence. "I'm not stupid enough to put it near the sink!"

"It's not still plugged in, is it!?" Leo demanded, terrified for his brother.

"No, he fell on the toaster, flattening it on his tail! Besides, he unplugged it when he fell."

The three brothers entered the kitchen to find Raph lying on the floor, crying in pain.

Donnie knelt beside his emerald brother. "Raphie, think you can walk to the lab? If not, I'll bring my equipment out here."

"I can make it ta da lab, just... gonna need some help," Raph managed to get out between clenched teeth.

Leo knelt on Raph's other side, knowing full well what it had cost his brother to say that. He firmly, but gently took Raph's arm, ready to lift and carry his brother to the lab by himself if he had to.

"Hold on, Leo," Donnie handed Mikey a towel from the drawer. "Mikey, use this to support the toaster while we get him to the lab. I don't want any weight at all pulling on his tail. Try not to jar it too much either."

Mikey nodded, draping the towel along Raph's legs and up under his trapped tail. "Ready, Don."

With a nod, Leo and Donnie carefully lifted Raph from the floor. Mikey followed closely, keeping his brother's tail as still and straight as possible. Once inside the lab, Raph eased himself onto the med-table, plastron down. Donnie immediately took charge.

"Leo, I want you to drape those sheets over Raph's back and legs, be sure to cover every inch of exposed skin. I'm going to have to cut the toaster off his tail, and I don't want to take the chance of bits of metal becoming embedded in his skin."

With Mikey carefully lifting Raph's tail out of the way, Leo soon had his brother shielded from any small debris Donnie might happen to make while trying to free the trapped appendage.

"Raph, I'm going to give you a mid sedative. It isn't going to knock you out," Donnie quickly reassured his brother, knowing how much Raph hated drugs. "But it will take the edge off so you can talk, and that's what I need you to do for me."

Raph grunted out a reply, fists clenched into the pillow under his chin.

Leo and Mikey stepped back, ready to do whatever Donnie needed of them to help their brother. They silently watched as the family genius cut away the toaster casing. In a short time, Donnie passed one side of the toaster to Leo, exposing Raph's tail with several pieces of wire sticking into of it.

"Damn," Donnie quietly swore. "Mikey, what do we have in the kitchen that can heat water rapidly, and boil several tools at a high heat for about five minutes?"

All of his brothers were used to the genius making strange requests, but this was by far the weirdest to date.

"Why do you need something like that?"

"I have to cut these wires away from the rest of the casing. Then I have to disinfect Raph's tail, and the exposed wire before I attempt to pull them out. I need to sterilize some of the tools I normally use in the garage to do this because my medical equipment doesn't have the proper teeth grips to securely hold the wires."

Mikey's face scrunched as the sea green turtle mentally rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen. "What about the pressure cooker?"

"Perfect!" Donnie grinned. "Go get it, fill it half full with water, and put it on my hotplate over there to heat. I'm going to the garage to get what I need," Donnie stood, hurrying for the door. "Leo, you stay here in case Raph needs something."

If a few short minutes, Donnie returned to the lab to find Leo holding Raph's hand, gently stroking his brother's cheek. Mikey was waiting by the hotplate with the water close to boiling.

"Dude, why didn't you tell me you'd souped up your hotplate? I'm SO jealous!"

"I take it you want me to tweak the stovetop in the kitchen now?" Donnie smiled, dropping the tools from the garage into the hot water.

"You bet I do, like tomorrow!" Mikey secured the lid to the pressure cooker, moving back beside Raph to help Donnie with removing as much of the remaining metal as he could.

For several minutes, the lab was silent, except for the occasional pained grunts coming from Raphael, followed closely by the soothing voice of their oldest brother, the occasional clink as Donnie dropped pieces of metal into the plastic container Mikey held, and the rattling whistle of the pressure cooker as it sterilized the tools Donnie would soon need.

"Well, I've went as far as I can go for right now," Donnie sat up, stretching his back muscles. "Mikey, could you go pull those tools out? They need time to cool before I can touch them, or get them near Raph's tail."

"On it, bro!"

Mikey set the container he held on the floor then headed for the pressure cooker, tool tray in hand. As soon as the orange banded ninja was within a few feet of the hotplate, a strange, unfamiliar rattling sound filled the back of the lab. Leo and Donnie turned to look just in time to see the pressure gauge come sailing off the pot, slamming into Mikey's lower jaw. Surprised by the force of the blast, the sea green turtle flew back several feet, landing on his shell, hard.

"Mikey!" Leo shouted, running to his fallen brother.

"Stay put!" Donnie ordered, pushing Raph back down onto the table before rushing to Mikey's side.

"He's conscious," Leo said, helping Mikey to sit up.

Donnie knelt in front of his brother, immediately taking in the rapidly darkening area on Mikey's face. "Can you talk?" he asked, lightly pressing along the bone.

"Fink so," Mikey mumbled. "Bud I done wan' fu."

"Open up, as wide as you can," Donnie ordered, shining a tiny flashlight around his brother's mouth. "I don't see any broken teeth, and the bone doesn't feel broken. It must have been a glancing blow."

Mikey's scowl let Donnie know full well what the youngest thought about that diagnosis. Glancing blow his sea green tail!

"Leo, go get Mikey an ice pack from the kitchen, please."

Donnie helped Mikey to the chair next to Raph Leo had just vacated then went back to retrieve his tools from the pressure cooker.

"Damn, dat must hurt," Raph winced, seeing Mikey's growing bruise.

"Naw az mus az ya tail."

"I'm not too sure a dat."

Leo returned, handing an ice pack to a very grateful Michelangelo as Donnie began carefully removing the bits of wire from Raph's tail.

"Leo called in a pizza, and Donnie and I had just gotten back with it when you showed up, Sensei."

Splinter sagely nodded his head, stroking his beard. "I see. There is still one part of your story I do not understand, my sons."

"What's that, Master?" Leo asked, looking around at his brothers.

"You have explained everyone's injuries except Donatello's," Splinter motioned to the small bandage stuck to Donnie's shoulder.

The olive turtle ducked his head, his face turning at least three shades darker from embarrassment.

"Oh, that," Mikey muttered. "Well, you see, Sensei, Donnie and I went out to get the pizza, since Raph was hyped up on goofy juice for his tail, and Leo was half blind. We took the sewer route there, but we kept to the rooftops on the way back because the pizzeria was having some stuff delivered. There was a car parked on top of the manhole we normally use, you know, the one closest to the lair, so we went one more up to come down a block farther away. When we started down the fire escape, there was this one that was full of plants. I mean it looked like someone had robbed a flower shop. It was PACKED."

Splinter had a, inkling where this was going to end.

"I jumped over it and landed on a dumpster, but there was a large metal shelving thing sitting beside it I didn't see. When I landed, the shelves shifted and fell against a pile of glass windows, shattering them all over the place," Mikey picked at the corner of his ice pack, knowing he had broken the first rule of survival, never give away your presence. "Anyway, some guy in the building across the alley heard the noise and stuck his head out the window, yelling for whoever was being noisy to shut up."

"Were you seen?" Splinter asked, fearing the worst.

"No, Sensei. No one saw us. I'm positive of that." Donnie looked as if he was trying to draw his head down inside his shell when Splinter narrowed his eyes at the genius. "Mikey ducked down behind the dumpster, and I hid in the plants on the fire escape."

"You were injured by the plants."

"No, Sensei," Donnie drew a deep breath. "An umbrella."

Splinter couldn't have been more wrong if he had tried.

"An umbrella?"

"Yes, Sensei. When I landed on the fire escape, I stepped on a cat. The cat swatted at me, and because the man was looking around, I ducked down so the cat ended up scratching my... inner thigh. When the man finally went back inside, I stood up to jump down to the street. The cat started hissing and swatting at me again, so I stepped back to get away, and tripped over some vine crawling all over the landing. I couldn't grab onto anything to catch myself, and when I fell, I bumped into a curtain rod. The curtain rod hit the leg of a chair on the upper landing, moving the chair just enough to bump the table up there. The table shifted, pushing this umbrella leaning against it over just enough for the tip to slip through the holes in the landing. Since I was stepping up onto the railing, I hit the end of the tip with my shoulder, and lifted the umbrella up with me. When the table had shifted, it moved just enough to catch the handle of the umbrella underneath the outer lip when I pushed it back up. The only place the tip had to go was into my shoulder."

Splinter sat quietly for several minutes, just staring at his sons. Honestly, the old rat was at a loss as to what to do. Yes, his sons had done something they should have known better than to do, but in truth, it wasn't that big of a deal, and they had all suffered some type of embarrassing injury for their trouble. Anything Splinter was to do at this point would be nothing more than adding insult to injury.

Slowly, Splinter began to smile. "My sons, there is a lesson to be learned from all of this. Do any of you know what it is?"

The four brothers looked at one another, eyes wide. Lesson? Was their father serious? What lesson could there be from this fiasco?

Leo leaned forward expectantly in his seat. "What lesson should we learn from this, Sensei?"

"Bad is never good until worse happens."

With that, Splinter rose from his chair, took a slice of pizza from the box, and made his way to his room. He chuckled to himself, closing the door behind him. He couldn't wait for his next visit to see the Daimyo. His old friend was going to LOVE this.

Thanks for reading.


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